


i don't do lonely well

by waywardprentiss



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Back Together, Inspired by Music, M/M, Post-Break Up, Singer Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22745848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardprentiss/pseuds/waywardprentiss
Summary: "Okay, um, this wasn't planned," Dean says settling on the stool with his guitar, "But, uh, I want to share this with y'all."His voice turns serious, "I wrote this not that long ago. Some things happened and I was in a pretty dark place.""I ended up losing someone I really care about," he says looking down at his guitar and strumming a couple of notes.He can't help but glance up at Castiel but he finds the other man looking down at his drink with a frown on his face.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 100





	i don't do lonely well

**Author's Note:**

> i have no explanation for this other than the fact that every jason aldean song reminds me of dean

The Roadhouse is packed tonight and Dean's on a roll. He loves playing with his boys here.

It's the only thing keeping him halfway sane these days.

They've performed most of their set already and it's getting late.

Dean takes a sip from the water bottle next to his mic stand before smiling at the crowd.

"This last song we're gonna play for you guys is-," he cuts off abruptly. 

His eyes land on a figure in the back and he forgets what he was gonna say.

The man in the corner is leaning against the bar with his hand on the beer in front of him.

Those blue eyes and two-day stubble are impossible to miss. Impossible to forget.

Their eyes meet and he can't look away.

"Um," he stutters and Dean can see a sad smile appear on Castiel's lips.

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Lee and Benny share confused looks behind him.

"Actually," Dean clears his throat, "Actually, I'm gonna play a new one for you guys."

He steps back from the mic and turns around to look at the guys.

Lee asks under his breath, "What are you doing, man?"

"I. I just gotta do this." He looks over at Benny and Ash. "Sorry fellas."

"Hey, we get to drink now boys!" Ash says smiling getting down from behind his drumset.

Benny looks concerned but doesn't question him as the three of them take the steps off to the right of the stage.

"Bear with me for a minute y'all," he says laughing nervously into the mic before grabbing a stool from the back of the stage.

"Okay, um, this wasn't planned," Dean says settling on the stool with his guitar, "But, uh, I want to share this with y'all."

His voice turns serious, "I wrote this not that long ago. Some things happened and I was in a pretty dark place."

"I ended up losing someone I really care about," he says looking down at his guitar and strumming a couple of notes.

He can't help but glance up at Castiel but he finds the other man looking down at his drink with a frown on his face.

"Anyway, this isn't finished so forgive me if it's a little rusty." he finishes with a smile.

He starts playing the opening chords and leans in toward the mic.

"Baby, since you've been gone," Dean sings quietly, "I leave the TV on. Gotta hear somebody's voice. I just need some kind of noise."

He glances up to find Castiel already looking at him.

"I lay some pillows down, to wrap my arms around. I pretend I'm holding you," Dean's voice shakes slightly, "I know it's sad but it's what I do, to keep me from going crazy."

He can see tears in Castiel's eyes and has to look away. 

His eyes land on Sam and Charlie sitting together at a table across the bar. 

They obviously know Castiel is here because they keep looking back and forth between the two of them.

Once Sam see he's looking at him, he gives him a small smile.

Dean smiles back and takes a deep breath before starting the chorus.

"I can get up and face the day just fine all by myself. Go out and take on the world and get it done like nobody else," he pauses before he sings the last line, "Oh, but I don't do lonely well."

"I got some real good friends that check on me now and then," he starts the second verse smiling at Lee, Benny and Ash drinking at the side of the stage, "Try to get me out at night, Say I need to get a life."

The smile drops, "It's easy to say alright when you're not the one going crazy."

He sings the chorus again before picking up the pace on his guitar.

"Oh, but I don't do lonely well," he sings louder, "Here comes another sunset, here comes another long night. I'm not over you yet," Dean finds Castiel's eye in the crowd and says softly, "No, I'm not over you, yet."

He starts the chorus for the last time.

"I can get up and face the day just fine all by myself. Go out and take on the world and get it done like nobody else."

He closes his eyes, "Oh, but I don't do, don't do lonely well," he pauses before finishing softly, dragging out the last line, "Oh, no, no, I don't do lonely well."

After he strums the last note on his guitar, the bar erupts in cheers. 

His eyes snap open and he looks over at Castiel to see him clapping with a small smile on his face. 

Dean chuckles, "Thanks. Glad y'all liked it. Y'all have a good night." 

The crowd's still clapping when Dean makes his way off the stage. 

Benny claps him on the shoulder and Lee gives him a fist bump. He's about to ask where Ash is before he sees him at the bar talking to Jo.

They wave at him and he waves back.

That's when he sees Castiel staring at him from his spot further down the bar.

He's frozen to the spot untill Benny gives him a shove and says, "Go get your man, Brother."

Dean scuffs but smiles at him before he starts walking through the crowd.

A couple of people clap his back and congratulate him before he gets to Castiel.

"Cas," he says hesitantly.

"Hello, Dean."

He's thought of what he'd say when they finally saw each other again. It's been months. He's had time to craft and rehearse the apologies and the confessions.

But in that moment nothing comes out and they just stare at each other awkwardly for a minute before looking away.

"I liked your song," Castiel says, his voice low, nothing like the confident man Dean used to know so well. 

"I'm sorry," he says suddenly and Castiel eyes snap up to meet his.

"I'm sorry for everything. I blamed you for my problems and I pushed you away," he scuffs and scratches his neck, "Then I go and have the balls to write a song blaming you for making me lonely."

He closes his eyes and inhales sharply, "Fuck."

"We both had trouble communicating with each other," Castiel says quietly, "It wasn't all on you."

Dean opens his eyes and looks at the man in front of him with teary eyes, "I didn't deserve you then and I don't deserve you now."

"That's not true," Castiel says firmly. 

His eyes flicker down to his beer on the bar. 

A sad smile graces his lips, "You always thought too much of me and too little of yourself." 

"Look at us," Dean steps closer to lean against the bar, "We're both so fucked up we can't even be fucked up together."

That gets a real smile out of Castiel. Small but still real and Dean vows to spend the rest of his life trying to make things right.

"Well," Castiel starts slowly, "Maybe this time can be different."

"Yeah?" Dean's breath hitches.

"Yeah," he takes a step closer and whispers, "I don't do lonely well either, Dean."

"You really wanna try again?" he whispers back.

"I do. Do you?"

"Yeah, Cas. More than anything," Dean says placing his hand on Castiel's.

He grips back and says seriously, "We have to talk to each other, okay? That goes for me too. Whenever one of us is having an issue with something, we have to talk about it. It's the only way this'll work."

"I get it, Cas. Trust me, I do."

"I've missed you," Castiel says his voice breaking.

"I've missed you, too. So much," he replies before asking, "Can I hug you, sweetheart?"

Castiel chuckles and before he's finished nodding, Dean has his arms around him.

They stand there for a while, arms tight around each other.

Dean's gripping his shoulders tight when he says softly into Castiel's neck, "I love you so much."

Castiel's right hand comes up to touch the nape of his neck, "I love you, too."

They pull apart from each other and Castiel's hand moves to cup the side of his neck.

Dean smiles at him. The biggest smile he's had on his face since they parted ways all those months ago.

When they kiss, it feels like coming home.

Dean can't help deepening the kiss and wrapping an arm around his waist.

Suddenly he hears Sam yell, "It's about time!"

He can feel Castiel laugh against his lips.

Dean pulls back and just stares at the wide grin on his face that he knows is mirrored back on his own before yelling over his shoulder at his brother, "Shut up, bitch!"

Castiel just laughs harder and moves in closer to his side when Dean turns around to look at his brother who's coming their way with Charlie in tow.

"You should be thanking us," Charlie says with a smirk on her face.

"Oh yeah?" Dean asks smirking while Castiel wraps his free arm around his waist, "Why's that?"

"They convinced me to come tonight," Castiel says quietly.

"What?" Dean says whipping his head around to look at him.

"Don't look so shocked, Dean," he says sharply, "You know I'm just as stubborn as you are."

Dean smiles, "Yeah, you got a point there."

"So what you guys knew we were just being a couple of dumbasses?" he says turning back to see his brother rolling his eyes.

"Exactly!" Charlie says happily, "And we're very happy we don't have to witness your moping anymore."

"That goes for both of you," Sam adds waving his finger between the two of them. 

They all laugh and at that moment Ash and Jo come up to congratulate them with Lee and Benny trailing behind.

They talk and drink for several hours, all of them happy to be back together again.

Eventually as everything's winding down, Castiel puts his arm around Dean's chair and leans in to whisper in his ear, "Come on, let's go home."

Dean smiles and Castiel smirks before adding, "You won't be needing those pillows anymore."

**Author's Note:**

> title and lyrics from jason aldean's song "i don't do lonely well"


End file.
